Thursday, 23 January 2014

Smile :) until Jail is a better place

This is one of the most common conversations I have these days, written in a very generic form
Friend: Hi

Me: Hi long time how are you

Friend: Fantastic. I just got engaged.

Me: Great, Congrats!! So when’s the big day

Friend: I’ll tell you all about it. You tell me. How are you? Found someone special?

Me: Nope. I am happily single

Friend: Oh, don’t worry you’ll find someone.

!!!!! Hello!!!!! What just happened here? “Don’t worry you’ll find someone? Don’t worry? “.  I check my face; I am smiling, so I don’t look sad. And dint I just say 'happily' single? I wonder what gave her the idea that I am worried and sad and desperately looking for this someone special. If you are a single gal and haven’t had to go through this conversation, I’d say you are lying. Poor thing you are in denial.
But girls, the problem is not us. It’s just that our engaged or newly married friends are so blissfully happy with their life that they think that any other state of living is SAD.  You could say that it’s not the newly married creatures whose giggles and the hanger in the mouth grin makes you feel like hitting them with the same hanger and saying get out of it. You could say even friends who have been married for years try to have the why you aren’t married conversation with you. Those females are just plain jealous that why should they be the only ones who have to suffer the “bliss”.  
There was a time, not to long back, when my sister would go on about how I should not worry and I would find someone just as amazing as her husband who according to her is He-man, Superman and Batman all rolled in one with a drizzle of James Bond on top. It got to the point where I had to threaten my parents with grave consequences if they dint keep their daughter in check. Yes she was newly married but the only reason I did not kill her is because I don’t like jail.
So all you sweet people who care for a single friends status, put this into your mushy brains, the day jails start serving chocolate and French fires and playing 2 broke girls, you are the first person she is coming after. Have fun!

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Sometimes plans don't work single mama, but we always have Indie

Sometimes life can get so confusing. I am the kind of girl who plans and organizes. I need a Plan A and  a Plan B and a Plan C and each of these plans have a smaller plan a, b, c. Somehow in the last couple of years, yes since I officially became a single parent, every time I think I have all my ducks in a row, the stream itself takes a turn and my poor ducks get lost. The only thing certain has been the uncertainty. People say, by people I mean all those self help gurus, that a kid needs a stable life. So if personally something big has happened then stay put in one place. Hence I had the choice of fixing my ass in one place, waiting for him to pay childcare, which hasn't happened for the last two years or getting up, taking charge and becoming independent. So I thought what is the lovely example I want to set for my child? Duh!
I have a masters in marketing but that is of no use when you are trying to get a job because nobody cares if you are a straight A student, all they ask for is  field experience. And all the experience I had was of being a doormat, and that's not attractive on your resume. But I still tried, even got a job, relocated and a couple of months later the company got into.. lets see nobody had jobs anymore. Then I tried again, but in vain.I hit the job market when recession hit the world. Finally I decided to get a degree in something technical that is not affected by the market boom and bust. But it comes with a lot of guilt and immediate uncertainty. Her life, her school, her friends. What will happen next. But in the long run it will help us get settled. Also Mia will have the live example, that when you are thrown into shit, not to sit on the ass and wait for something to happen. Our life is in our hands, we make things happen. One man, one incident, one failure cannot push baby in the corner ;).
Sometimes the guilt eats me up. But many times there is this hope for the future we deserve. I just want us to be settled and in one place from when she is 5 till she graduates. And the deadline is getting closer. But I will get there. We will get there.
So here is my new mantra "When everything is unclear and hazy and none of the plans are falling into place just move on into the haze like life's an Indiana Jones movie and enjoy the adventure" 

Monday, 20 January 2014

From Mommy with love. The things I want you to know.

1. I love you
2. There are different kinds of family. You and I are a family. A cute little family, but a family nevertheless. Daddy would have been a bonus. Its not our fault. its his loss.
3. Very few things in life are black or white, the rest is a rainbow of choices. Make the choice that is right for you
4. Never be mean and hurtful. There is something to learn from everyone.
5. Never take crap from anyone.
6. Trust your gut instinct. If it says run, you run.. either towards or away. Listen to it.
7. Love hurts. Its ok, because you give your loved ones the right to hurt you. If its painful all the time, its not love
8. Just like now as a little kid, you fly off the table knowing I will catch you, spread your wings and fly, I will always be there to catch you.
9. Adjustments and compromises are a part of life because no two people are wired the same. That is what makes each of us special. But that does not mean you become a mute doll, ever.
10. Sometimes you will feel like nothing is going as planned, you will feel lost. Instead of losing hope, think of it as an adventure and have fun with the uncertainty.
11. There is a difference between pride and self respect. There will be times and people for who you will have to let go of the pride but never let go of your self respect.
12. You are beautiful. Period.
13. One bad choice does not mean your life is over.
14. Learn from your mistakes.
15. Cry. There is nothing wrong with it. It is just a way to let go. But decide how much of your tears that crap is worth and then let go.
16. Feelings are good. They are the difference between the living and the dead.
17. Be well read. Always be up to date with the news.
18. Travel and experience the world.
19. Boys are not better than girls, no matter who tells you what.
20. Cook and clean because you want to, not because someone says you have to.
21. Play a sport. Learn an art form. Its a stress buster and more fun than therapy.
22. Swimming is a life saver. And dancing makes anything fun.
23. In today's time and age, it is compulsory to learn self defense. Both verbal and physical.
24. Continue to be funny.
25. Laughter is attractive
26. Be with a man who is confident of himself, who respects you and has this need to keep you happy.
27. Dating is fun. Sex is fun. Dating does not mean sex. Remember its your body, its your call.
28. Do not do anything you are not comfortable with, do not wear anything you are not comfortable in.
29. Being smart and intelligent is cool. Playing dumb is "uncool".
30. Confidence is cooler.
31. You will always be stronger than you think you are.
32. You can be anything you want to be. Just strive to be the best in whatever you choose to be.
33. Make friends. Know the difference between a friend, and an acquaintance.
34. Either she/he is your friend or not. Enemy is too big a term.
35. You are from a family of over achievers, where education is revered. You will study but enjoy studying. Do not pressurize yourself. Have fun with learning.
36. Knowledge is more important than grades.
37. Education is the cushion you can always fall back on.
38. Your grandparents, your uncles and aunts, your cousins all of them adore you. You are a lucky girl with a wonderful family.
39. Love yourself, you know yourself the best and deserve your love.
40. I trust you. will always be proud of you and will love you forever.

Fatty Fatty bumbalatty

Ok, here is the deal. I want to lose weight, be fit and feel good again. Simple. I feel like I am in someone else's body most of the time. So I have consciously analysed what the hell is wrong with me. Every day I decide on doing something about my weight but that is that. It doesn't get further than the decision process and below are the reasons.
Here I give you the ten reasons of how I self sabotage my weight loss plan.
1. Not exercising - The days I exercise in the mornings, I am conscious the whole day. I remember the pain in the gym and then the body ache constantly keeps my binge eating under check
2. Going to the grocery store hungry - I end up buying a lot of junk food and once it is in the pantry at home, I just have to eat it all
3. The weighing machine dependence- Every time I see even a 100 gram weight increase in my weight, I feel bad and offcourse that means eating a little more than I am supposed to. Hence the next day there will be a 500 gram increase.
4. Watching too much youtube and couch tuner - Its ok to watch but I "have" to munch something when I watch. I am training myself to drink cold water while I watch my favorite shows. Lets see how that goes
5. Reading books and eating
6. Not going out in the weekends - I am so conscious of my looks that I end up staying at home. And when at home I eat. I do not eat much when I go out. When st home, kitchen is right there and even if there are no snacks I cook and eat
7. Being a good cook
8. Not drinking water - Having to go to the loo every few minutes bugs me.
9. Setting un-achievable weight loss goals. I have been telling myself, I have to lose 10 kgs in 2 months. Not possible. So my latest goal is 100 grams a day. That will be 9 kilos in 3 months. Quite possible.
10. Comfort eating - this should stop. just must stop.

This is a serious issue for many of us. Hence I have made it a point to to be funny. If reading these words, helps any of you think through your follies let me know. If you have anything to add or any counter let me know that too. Its always comforting to get to know people going through the same shit.


The erudite and the torturous

Its a simple learning in life, you might love someone but doesn't mean you love all of them. Convoluted ah? Oxi-moronic statement, if there was ever one. I love books but there are some books that I just could not get. Few, very few of them I stopped reading mid way and the rest I read because its a "book". So here is a list of books I did not understand the hype about, I just dint like. I tried Salman Rushdie after his fatwa and all, thinking God what did he write. Seriously god what did he write! It was like reading a dictionary. Hats off to those people who read the whole book, could understand enough to conclude that it was offensive. I j=gave up after one paragraph. Yes I did the whole parallel dictionary business for Jane Austen but 1. I was younger then and 2. she had two to three erudite words a page, not two to three in every line. Then there was the God of small things, I do not get child sexual abuse for literary value. I read Bitter chocolate by Pinki Virani, a set of real life stories on child abuse. It moved me and made me furious. I read 100 years of solitude and love in cholera. Again, not my taste. I honestly have come to believe that I like brightness, not constant darkness. That is all I can say. If anyone of you saw more in such books then the simple black that I saw, kindly enlighten me :)

You jump, I jump Jack

In one simple sentence. I trust people. I believe in the inane goodness of people. I cannot live my life second guessing and thinking what is the evil motive behind each and every action of another person. Yes there was a time I was borderline naive, ok fine I was naive when I believed my ex mother in law telling me "Oh you are so nice, I get along with you more than with my own daughter" Duh! But honestly I did not see a point in refuting her. Her daughter is a bitch, later I realized where those genes came from. A lot of people have told me that people are not good. Many people start off with "This person is bad" and then come around. But we are all those "people" I am not saying one should trust enough to get kidnapped. What  I mean is if someone tells me "your ear rings are nice" or "I love the movie Titanic" , why should I waste my time second guessing them? What difference does it make to my life if they are telling the truth or not. Why search for some inner deep evil meaning? So I chose to say "thank you" or :Yes, its a nice movie" Simple. There will also be people for whom "you jump, I jump" or "you fall I catch". Yes there are nice people.
Dear Mia, all I tell you is people are good, but their circumstances might be bad. Take care of yourself. Trust yourself for knowing when to be wary. But enjoy the sunshine, instead of constantly worrying where the darkness lurks.

Sunday, 19 January 2014

Romance starts with the letter J; My favorite authors

Like I have written before I love romance and I read romance. What I noticed was that some of the fantastic romantic authors name starts with the letter J. Jude Deveraux, Judith Mcnaught, Julie Garwood, Julia Quinn and the goddess of words herself Ms Jane Austen. I have read all their books except Garwoods contemporary work. She writes fabulous historical romances. Quinn is super funny and the character Mrs Wishtledown that she has created is a master piece. Some other favorites of mine are Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Eloisa James, Victoria Alexander and Stephanie Laurens. I enjoy the magic and witch craft based novels Nora Roberts writes. Nicholas Sparks writes good slow romances which are meant to be made into movies. Cecelia Ahern writes drama, I wouldn't call them romance. She writes about hope and seeing a width and depth in little things on life.

As a teenager I went through this Jane Austen phase. And when I say phase I mean her book, a notebook, pencil and dictionary. I would read the book and hunt the dictionary for the meaning of the words Ms Austen would use as if its part of our banal everyday vocabulary like indigence and indolence. I loved the stories she spun and that experience helped me with my GRE years later. Somehow Emma is the only books I haven't read and somehow I do not want to.. wonder..

Anyways the other authors I enjoy and have almost read all their novels are Jeffery Archer, John Grisham, Mary Higgins Clark, Debbie Maccomber and Sydney Sheldon. Then there are many books I read because the book is good.

If anyone wants to try a new author and wants suggestions, I am your go to gal