Sometimes plans don't work single mama, but we always have Indie

Sometimes life can get so confusing. I am the kind of girl who plans and organizes. I need a Plan A and  a Plan B and a Plan C and each of these plans have a smaller plan a, b, c. Somehow in the last couple of years, yes since I officially became a single parent, every time I think I have all my ducks in a row, the stream itself takes a turn and my poor ducks get lost. The only thing certain has been the uncertainty. People say, by people I mean all those self help gurus, that a kid needs a stable life. So if personally something big has happened then stay put in one place. Hence I had the choice of fixing my ass in one place, waiting for him to pay childcare, which hasn't happened for the last two years or getting up, taking charge and becoming independent. So I thought what is the lovely example I want to set for my child? Duh!
I have a masters in marketing but that is of no use when you are trying to get a job because nobody cares if you are a straight A student, all they ask for is  field experience. And all the experience I had was of being a doormat, and that's not attractive on your resume. But I still tried, even got a job, relocated and a couple of months later the company got into.. lets see nobody had jobs anymore. Then I tried again, but in vain.I hit the job market when recession hit the world. Finally I decided to get a degree in something technical that is not affected by the market boom and bust. But it comes with a lot of guilt and immediate uncertainty. Her life, her school, her friends. What will happen next. But in the long run it will help us get settled. Also Mia will have the live example, that when you are thrown into shit, not to sit on the ass and wait for something to happen. Our life is in our hands, we make things happen. One man, one incident, one failure cannot push baby in the corner ;).
Sometimes the guilt eats me up. But many times there is this hope for the future we deserve. I just want us to be settled and in one place from when she is 5 till she graduates. And the deadline is getting closer. But I will get there. We will get there.
So here is my new mantra "When everything is unclear and hazy and none of the plans are falling into place just move on into the haze like life's an Indiana Jones movie and enjoy the adventure" 

From Mommy with love. The things I want you to know.

1. I love you
2. There are different kinds of family. You and I are a family. A cute little family, but a family nevertheless. Daddy would have been a bonus. Its not our fault. its his loss.
3. Very few things in life are black or white, the rest is a rainbow of choices. Make the choice that is right for you
4. Never be mean and hurtful. There is something to learn from everyone.
5. Never take crap from anyone.
6. Trust your gut instinct. If it says run, you run.. either towards or away. Listen to it.
7. Love hurts. Its ok, because you give your loved ones the right to hurt you. If its painful all the time, its not love
8. Just like now as a little kid, you fly off the table knowing I will catch you, spread your wings and fly, I will always be there to catch you.
9. Adjustments and compromises are a part of life because no two people are wired the same. That is what makes each of us special. But that does not mean you become a mute doll, ever.
10. Sometimes you will feel like nothing is going as planned, you will feel lost. Instead of losing hope, think of it as an adventure and have fun with the uncertainty.
11. There is a difference between pride and self respect. There will be times and people for who you will have to let go of the pride but never let go of your self respect.
12. You are beautiful. Period.
13. One bad choice does not mean your life is over.
14. Learn from your mistakes.
15. Cry. There is nothing wrong with it. It is just a way to let go. But decide how much of your tears that crap is worth and then let go.
16. Feelings are good. They are the difference between the living and the dead.
17. Be well read. Always be up to date with the news.
18. Travel and experience the world.
19. Boys are not better than girls, no matter who tells you what.
20. Cook and clean because you want to, not because someone says you have to.
21. Play a sport. Learn an art form. Its a stress buster and more fun than therapy.
22. Swimming is a life saver. And dancing makes anything fun.
23. In today's time and age, it is compulsory to learn self defense. Both verbal and physical.
24. Continue to be funny.
25. Laughter is attractive
26. Be with a man who is confident of himself, who respects you and has this need to keep you happy.
27. Dating is fun. Sex is fun. Dating does not mean sex. Remember its your body, its your call.
28. Do not do anything you are not comfortable with, do not wear anything you are not comfortable in.
29. Being smart and intelligent is cool. Playing dumb is "uncool".
30. Confidence is cooler.
31. You will always be stronger than you think you are.
32. You can be anything you want to be. Just strive to be the best in whatever you choose to be.
33. Make friends. Know the difference between a friend, and an acquaintance.
34. Either she/he is your friend or not. Enemy is too big a term.
35. You are from a family of over achievers, where education is revered. You will study but enjoy studying. Do not pressurize yourself. Have fun with learning.
36. Knowledge is more important than grades.
37. Education is the cushion you can always fall back on.
38. Your grandparents, your uncles and aunts, your cousins all of them adore you. You are a lucky girl with a wonderful family.
39. Love yourself, you know yourself the best and deserve your love.
40. I trust you. will always be proud of you and will love you forever.

Congratulations!!! I am not attracted to you, you must be a really nice guy.

I, my friends, am THE "douche-bag magnet" THE litmus test for weather a guy is a "good guy" or "a good for nothing loser who will initially seem nice but will eventually turn out to be an insecure self centered bigot". The machine that can separate the G and the NG.
I am considering starting a business venture where I can definitely tell a girl if the guy she is interested in is a sweetie or a swine. I am thinking I can truly get rich, billionaire rich. Yes I wont have this dream boat of a man in my life but honestly girls do I truly want to have another can of worms burst all over me again?
I read this on a pin "It takes a hell of a man to replace no man" and any gal who has come out of a terrible relationship, finally feeling the freedom can vouch for it. Before anyone says "come on there are good men out there" Off course there are , those are the ones I am not attracted to. :D And what is the point being a great guy if you are just not attracted to him.
Life is so good as it is now. My little family of two. There is a chance that it could become great from good but, if my magnetic powers are to be believed, it could get bad really really bad. Hence the blissful state of "oy with the poodles already" 

Trust her...

The big "Daddy Question".. this is one thing that plagues almost every single mom at some point. Honestly if you are one of those moms who has a cool answer to the question, kudos to you. I dont. I did not start of being a single mother by choice.. a lousy spouse made that choice for me. Now I can happily and proudly say I am a single mom but it took time to get there. Mia, my sweet little girl, and I moved away from her father when she was two years old. Initially, a couple of times, she would ask if he was in office. Then there were no questions until she started pre school. Luckily we met a few single moms and coincidently all of them had girls. Sometimes I wonder if its a coincidence or if in my country and culture its easier for a man to leave his wife and daughter but not his son. Well.. thats a subject again for another day. I feel like every post I write I leave an opening for another post. ;) Back tot he daddy question.. everytime she talks about Daddy I get scared. Not that she asks me about him, she knows he lives in another country. I dont want to tell her that he is a douche bag. Yes it is a fact but thats not fair to her. And I do not want to paint a pretty picture lest she imagines and expects anything from him. He hasnt paid child support or bothered to contact her ever since we left. But that was not my fear.
She is a super friendly kid. She talks to everyone and enjoys the novelty factor of new people. What if the first time she meets him, which will eventually happen in court, she goes off to him. Yes he is a horrible man who has almost killed her.. no exagerration there. Also the only reason he would want her, is so that he doesnt have to pay me child support and he will eventually just dump her on his mother who has the weird beleif that "girls are ok, but boys are amazing". But Mia doesnt know all this, she is too young for me to tell her the Stephen King graphic horror story that her sperm-family is. Hence the fear - of  not just losing her away from me, but also the bright wonderful kid that she is getting lost in this bucket load of crap.
But it hit me recently.. trust her... she is a smart kid. She loves me. She might not be able to see others for what they are yet but she definitely sees me for the love I have for her. It is an insult to her, if I am afraid. And offcourse no sane judge will give the child to that father. So here is what I say to her now when she asks about her daddy " Yes he is in so and so place, working. We do not live with him anymore because daddy stopped loving mommy and started making some careless decisions which were not safe for Mia and Mamma".  It is a diluted version of the reality and also less confusing for her than my previous " Mia is a special child whose Mommy is both mommy and daddy".  And our charming life moves on..