Thursday 23 January 2014

Smile :) until Jail is a better place


This is one of the most common conversations I have these days, written in a very generic form
Friend: Hi

Me: Hi long time how are you

Friend: Fantastic. I just got engaged.

Me: Great, Congrats!! So when’s the big day

Friend: I’ll tell you all about it. You tell me. How are you? Found someone special?

Me: Nope. I am happily single

Friend: Oh, don’t worry you’ll find someone.

!!!!! Hello!!!!! What just happened here? “Don’t worry you’ll find someone? Don’t worry? “.  I check my face; I am smiling, so I don’t look sad. And dint I just say 'happily' single? I wonder what gave her the idea that I am worried and sad and desperately looking for this someone special. If you are a single gal and haven’t had to go through this conversation, I’d say you are lying. Poor thing you are in denial.
But girls, the problem is not us. It’s just that our engaged or newly married friends are so blissfully happy with their life that they think that any other state of living is SAD.  You could say that it’s not the newly married creatures whose giggles and the hanger in the mouth grin makes you feel like hitting them with the same hanger and saying get out of it. You could say even friends who have been married for years try to have the why you aren’t married conversation with you. Those females are just plain jealous that why should they be the only ones who have to suffer the “bliss”.  
There was a time, not to long back, when my sister would go on about how I should not worry and I would find someone just as amazing as her husband who according to her is He-man, Superman and Batman all rolled in one with a drizzle of James Bond on top. It got to the point where I had to threaten my parents with grave consequences if they dint keep their daughter in check. Yes she was newly married but the only reason I did not kill her is because I don’t like jail.
So all you sweet people who care for a single friends status, put this into your mushy brains, the day jails start serving chocolate and French fires and playing 2 broke girls, you are the first person she is coming after. Have fun!
 
Love
MM

Tuesday 21 January 2014

Sometimes plans don't work single mama, but we always have Indie

Sometimes life can get so confusing. I am the kind of girl who plans and organizes. I need a Plan A and  a Plan B and a Plan C and each of these plans have a smaller plan a, b, c. Somehow in the last couple of years, yes since I officially became a single parent, every time I think I have all my ducks in a row, the stream itself takes a turn and my poor ducks get lost. The only thing certain has been the uncertainty. People say, by people I mean all those self help gurus, that a kid needs a stable life. So if personally something big has happened then stay put in one place. Hence I had the choice of fixing my ass in one place, waiting for him to pay childcare, which hasn't happened for the last two years or getting up, taking charge and becoming independent. So I thought what is the lovely example I want to set for my child? Duh!
I have a masters in marketing but that is of no use when you are trying to get a job because nobody cares if you are a straight A student, all they ask for is  field experience. And all the experience I had was of being a doormat, and that's not attractive on your resume. But I still tried, even got a job, relocated and a couple of months later the company got into.. lets see nobody had jobs anymore. Then I tried again, but in vain.I hit the job market when recession hit the world. Finally I decided to get a degree in something technical that is not affected by the market boom and bust. But it comes with a lot of guilt and immediate uncertainty. Her life, her school, her friends. What will happen next. But in the long run it will help us get settled. Also Mia will have the live example, that when you are thrown into shit, not to sit on the ass and wait for something to happen. Our life is in our hands, we make things happen. One man, one incident, one failure cannot push baby in the corner ;).
Sometimes the guilt eats me up. But many times there is this hope for the future we deserve. I just want us to be settled and in one place from when she is 5 till she graduates. And the deadline is getting closer. But I will get there. We will get there.
So here is my new mantra "When everything is unclear and hazy and none of the plans are falling into place just move on into the haze like life's an Indiana Jones movie and enjoy the adventure" 

Monday 20 January 2014

From Mommy with love. The things I want you to know.



1. I love you
2. There are different kinds of family. You and I are a family. A cute little family, but a family nevertheless. Daddy would have been a bonus. Its not our fault. its his loss.
3. Very few things in life are black or white, the rest is a rainbow of choices. Make the choice that is right for you
4. Never be mean and hurtful. There is something to learn from everyone.
5. Never take crap from anyone.
6. Trust your gut instinct. If it says run, you run.. either towards or away. Listen to it.
7. Love hurts. Its ok, because you give your loved ones the right to hurt you. If its painful all the time, its not love
8. Just like now as a little kid, you fly off the table knowing I will catch you, spread your wings and fly, I will always be there to catch you.
9. Adjustments and compromises are a part of life because no two people are wired the same. That is what makes each of us special. But that does not mean you become a mute doll, ever.
10. Sometimes you will feel like nothing is going as planned, you will feel lost. Instead of losing hope, think of it as an adventure and have fun with the uncertainty.
11. There is a difference between pride and self respect. There will be times and people for who you will have to let go of the pride but never let go of your self respect.
12. You are beautiful. Period.
13. One bad choice does not mean your life is over.
14. Learn from your mistakes.
15. Cry. There is nothing wrong with it. It is just a way to let go. But decide how much of your tears that crap is worth and then let go.
16. Feelings are good. They are the difference between the living and the dead.
17. Be well read. Always be up to date with the news.
18. Travel and experience the world.
19. Boys are not better than girls, no matter who tells you what.
20. Cook and clean because you want to, not because someone says you have to.
21. Play a sport. Learn an art form. Its a stress buster and more fun than therapy.
22. Swimming is a life saver. And dancing makes anything fun.
23. In today's time and age, it is compulsory to learn self defense. Both verbal and physical.
24. Continue to be funny.
25. Laughter is attractive
26. Be with a man who is confident of himself, who respects you and has this need to keep you happy.
27. Dating is fun. Sex is fun. Dating does not mean sex. Remember its your body, its your call.
28. Do not do anything you are not comfortable with, do not wear anything you are not comfortable in.
29. Being smart and intelligent is cool. Playing dumb is "uncool".
30. Confidence is cooler.
31. You will always be stronger than you think you are.
32. You can be anything you want to be. Just strive to be the best in whatever you choose to be.
33. Make friends. Know the difference between a friend, and an acquaintance.
34. Either she/he is your friend or not. Enemy is too big a term.
35. You are from a family of over achievers, where education is revered. You will study but enjoy studying. Do not pressurize yourself. Have fun with learning.
36. Knowledge is more important than grades.
37. Education is the cushion you can always fall back on.
38. Your grandparents, your uncles and aunts, your cousins all of them adore you. You are a lucky girl with a wonderful family.
39. Love yourself, you know yourself the best and deserve your love.
40. I trust you. will always be proud of you and will love you forever.

Fatty Fatty bumbalatty

Ok, here is the deal. I want to lose weight, be fit and feel good again. Simple. I feel like I am in someone else's body most of the time. So I have consciously analysed what the hell is wrong with me. Every day I decide on doing something about my weight but that is that. It doesn't get further than the decision process and below are the reasons.
Here I give you the ten reasons of how I self sabotage my weight loss plan.
1. Not exercising - The days I exercise in the mornings, I am conscious the whole day. I remember the pain in the gym and then the body ache constantly keeps my binge eating under check
2. Going to the grocery store hungry - I end up buying a lot of junk food and once it is in the pantry at home, I just have to eat it all
3. The weighing machine dependence- Every time I see even a 100 gram weight increase in my weight, I feel bad and offcourse that means eating a little more than I am supposed to. Hence the next day there will be a 500 gram increase.
4. Watching too much youtube and couch tuner - Its ok to watch but I "have" to munch something when I watch. I am training myself to drink cold water while I watch my favorite shows. Lets see how that goes
5. Reading books and eating
6. Not going out in the weekends - I am so conscious of my looks that I end up staying at home. And when at home I eat. I do not eat much when I go out. When st home, kitchen is right there and even if there are no snacks I cook and eat
7. Being a good cook
8. Not drinking water - Having to go to the loo every few minutes bugs me.
9. Setting un-achievable weight loss goals. I have been telling myself, I have to lose 10 kgs in 2 months. Not possible. So my latest goal is 100 grams a day. That will be 9 kilos in 3 months. Quite possible.
10. Comfort eating - this should stop. just must stop.

This is a serious issue for many of us. Hence I have made it a point to to be funny. If reading these words, helps any of you think through your follies let me know. If you have anything to add or any counter let me know that too. Its always comforting to get to know people going through the same shit.

Love
MM

The erudite and the torturous

Its a simple learning in life, you might love someone but doesn't mean you love all of them. Convoluted ah? Oxi-moronic statement, if there was ever one. I love books but there are some books that I just could not get. Few, very few of them I stopped reading mid way and the rest I read because its a "book". So here is a list of books I did not understand the hype about, I just dint like. I tried Salman Rushdie after his fatwa and all, thinking God what did he write. Seriously god what did he write! It was like reading a dictionary. Hats off to those people who read the whole book, could understand enough to conclude that it was offensive. I j=gave up after one paragraph. Yes I did the whole parallel dictionary business for Jane Austen but 1. I was younger then and 2. she had two to three erudite words a page, not two to three in every line. Then there was the God of small things, I do not get child sexual abuse for literary value. I read Bitter chocolate by Pinki Virani, a set of real life stories on child abuse. It moved me and made me furious. I read 100 years of solitude and love in cholera. Again, not my taste. I honestly have come to believe that I like brightness, not constant darkness. That is all I can say. If anyone of you saw more in such books then the simple black that I saw, kindly enlighten me :)

You jump, I jump Jack

In one simple sentence. I trust people. I believe in the inane goodness of people. I cannot live my life second guessing and thinking what is the evil motive behind each and every action of another person. Yes there was a time I was borderline naive, ok fine I was naive when I believed my ex mother in law telling me "Oh you are so nice, I get along with you more than with my own daughter" Duh! But honestly I did not see a point in refuting her. Her daughter is a bitch, later I realized where those genes came from. A lot of people have told me that people are not good. Many people start off with "This person is bad" and then come around. But we are all those "people" I am not saying one should trust enough to get kidnapped. What  I mean is if someone tells me "your ear rings are nice" or "I love the movie Titanic" , why should I waste my time second guessing them? What difference does it make to my life if they are telling the truth or not. Why search for some inner deep evil meaning? So I chose to say "thank you" or :Yes, its a nice movie" Simple. There will also be people for whom "you jump, I jump" or "you fall I catch". Yes there are nice people.
Dear Mia, all I tell you is people are good, but their circumstances might be bad. Take care of yourself. Trust yourself for knowing when to be wary. But enjoy the sunshine, instead of constantly worrying where the darkness lurks.

Sunday 19 January 2014

Romance starts with the letter J; My favorite authors

Like I have written before I love romance and I read romance. What I noticed was that some of the fantastic romantic authors name starts with the letter J. Jude Deveraux, Judith Mcnaught, Julie Garwood, Julia Quinn and the goddess of words herself Ms Jane Austen. I have read all their books except Garwoods contemporary work. She writes fabulous historical romances. Quinn is super funny and the character Mrs Wishtledown that she has created is a master piece. Some other favorites of mine are Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Eloisa James, Victoria Alexander and Stephanie Laurens. I enjoy the magic and witch craft based novels Nora Roberts writes. Nicholas Sparks writes good slow romances which are meant to be made into movies. Cecelia Ahern writes drama, I wouldn't call them romance. She writes about hope and seeing a width and depth in little things on life.

As a teenager I went through this Jane Austen phase. And when I say phase I mean her book, a notebook, pencil and dictionary. I would read the book and hunt the dictionary for the meaning of the words Ms Austen would use as if its part of our banal everyday vocabulary like indigence and indolence. I loved the stories she spun and that experience helped me with my GRE years later. Somehow Emma is the only books I haven't read and somehow I do not want to.. wonder..

Anyways the other authors I enjoy and have almost read all their novels are Jeffery Archer, John Grisham, Mary Higgins Clark, Debbie Maccomber and Sydney Sheldon. Then there are many books I read because the book is good.

If anyone wants to try a new author and wants suggestions, I am your go to gal 

Marry the beast, keep the library

Yes, I am definitely one of the girls who was more wowed by the library in the beauty and the beast. That library is like heaven on earth for me. Sigh!! The smell of new books.. I do not understand the ebook concept. Just holding a book, reading, turning pages, the feeling is different. I read a lot of books, yes majority are romances, then the rest of fiction and finally some biographies/autobiographies. When I say romances I dont mean Mills and Boons. Yes i have read my share of them as a teenager, but for me romances are the historical romances. Strong women who know their mind, knight in shining armors being told to rust off but he sill comes back.. blah blah. Most of my favorite books are where the heroine is strong, may be she struggles but she knows her mind. My all time favorite is Jeffery Archers prodigal daughter. I am waiting for Mia to get into grade 3, just a few more years. This is the book I will gift her. When I was in college, every time I got lazy about studying I would read Florentyna studying for the Radcliffe scholarship and the week that followed my parents' would wonder what got into me. Anyways here are some books I have read and I recommend. They are in no particular order
1. Anne Frank: The diary of a young girl by Anne Frank
2. The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffery Archer
3. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
4. The Secret Garden by Francess Hudgson Burnett
5. Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson
6. The Harry Potter Series by J K Rowling
7. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
8. Sense and sensibility by Jane Austen
9. Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson
10. My experiments with truth by Mahatma Gandhi
11. If tomorrow comes by Sydney Sheldon
12. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
13. Love Story by Erich Seagal
14. One flew over the cuckoos nest by Ken Kesey
15. Something about Everything by Bill Bryson
16. Belly Laughs by Jenny Mccarthy
17. Romancing Mr Bridgerton by Julia Quinn
18. Nobodys baby but mine by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
19. To kill a mockingbird by Harper Lee
20. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
21. Chocolat by Joanne Harris
22. Memoirs of a Geisha  by Arthur Golden
23. PS I love you by Cecilia Ahern
24. Matilda by Roald Dahl
25. Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
26. The Bridget Jones Diary by Helen Fielding
27.

The list does not end. There are a lot more books I am quite sure I have forgotten and there are a lot more books I will still read. Books books books Sigh!!

Candy crush and the chocolate locusts

I am a normal single girl, with the very normal issues, which I normally tackle with the help of a box of chocolates while my brain in a very Oprah like voice is telling me "food is not love". Now that was until candy crush. I guess most of you know of this "free" game app called candy crush, where, you guessed right, you crush all the candy and move to the next level. And this was fun until level no 50, where these blocks of chocolates called the chocolate spawners are introduced into the game and they have to be crushed too. Whats the big deal right? Wrong. There is a catch, these chocolate blocks grow. They grow and grow and remind me of these locusts in these horror movies that creep over the body and take over the body completely suffocating the person. You are like shoot it and when you shoot one, it stops for a moment, like giving you a break. And then when you take that breath and stop shooting, it starts spawning again. No no no. Never have I disliked chocolate. Kudos to candy crush for making a girl abhor chocolate. 
Then there is this night mode, where the hero is this owl called Odus who is balancing himself on a swing. This Odus is such a dufus that at the point where you think you are going to win falls off the damn swing. And usually just before he falls you, you are doing so well that there are these words tasty or divine that pop on the screen. But to me I always feel like there is this creepy guy somewhere below the screen waiting for Odus the dufus to fall off and going like TASTY. And I think god who is this sick !@#$ who thinks an owl is TASTY?!! 
Anyways I am in level 92 in the day and level 54 at night.Never wasted so much money on a "free" game ever before. Actually never wasted money on an online game. Period. So thank you King for a candy crush addiction, chocolate aversion and  over active imagination. Now bye guys, go to go, I got a life waiting for me. 

Hair hair everywhere, and my crazy mind goes anywhere

Jennifer Lawrence says the darnest of things. Usually she cracks me up but today she got me thinking with her armpit vagina. Yes people today at the SAG awards red carpet she said she has "armpit fat, thats ok but armpit vagina is bad". And now I am standing in front of the mirror rating myself on the scale of armpit fat to armpit vagina! Like armpit hair wasn't bad enough! Even Julia Roberts could not pull that one off. Its not just there, but hair everywhere. Shave your hands, shave your legs, shave there, everywhere. We women got dealt a very poor hand. Not fair, not fair at all. Sometimes I just do not want to go out because its hot as hell to wear pants and I am in no mood to shave my legs to wear a skirt. I bet its happened to loads of us. Then there are those who are flabbergasted that I shave instead of wax. When you shave your hair grows back coarse as man's, they say. Your skin gets dark, they moan. Then there is this mystery of ingrowth, they threaten me with. So I decided ok let me wax. Doing it at home was the messiest thing ever and that's something coming from a mom who has just crossed the toddler rearing phase. When I got rid of the sticky gooey stuff, by that I mean I threw away the container, the pots and pans, my clothes, some cushions and anything that came in contact with the wax in my house, other than me off course, I went to the parlor. The very friendly lady there checks me out and tells me I don't have enough hair to wax!! So I figure one has to grow the hair until she looks like a cross between a bear and a chimp to be able to be eligible for a wax. So here I am back to shaving, and praying that a day will come when mysteriously all the unwanted hair will disappear and I can continue to be lazy and yet be pretty. Ha Ha. 

Saturday 18 January 2014

Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge , an epilogue

You know what! I just went to this bookstore today. Yeah right not a big surprise for someone who loves looks books so much that she has mini orgasms smelling new books. Thats not the point. So I enter this book store and on the ground floor there are some new releases and some Japanese fashion make over books for kids.. why ever for! But well they were there. Then I saw this sign saying "Many more books on the first floor". Offcourse I take the escalator and when I reach the first floor, I turn left to these book shelves with the sign "101 books we recommend". Lo behold! almost all those books were from the Rory Gilmore reading challenge. Can you believe that! Seriously... I thought this is a sign. So ladies and gentlemen I am now a full on competitor in the RGRC. In your face all my fellow competitors... beware. 

The Rory Gilmore Challenge




A decade ago, my sister introduced me to a crazy, coffee addicted, super fast speaking mother mother daughter pair and I instantly decided that when I have a daughter I will be her Lorelai Gilmore. Rory was a great kid because Lorelai was a greater mom. Over the 7 years the show ran, I still think it should have gone on and on for ever, Rory was seen reading almost all the time. Below is the list of the books Rory was seen reading. There are some 345 books and I have read 26 of them. I call myself an avid reader! So I too take up the Rory Gilmore Challenge. 

1984 by George Orwell
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis
 Carroll
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
Archidamian War by Donald Kagan
The Art of Fiction by Henry James
The Art of War by Sun Tzu
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Atonement by Ian McEwan
Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy
The Awakening by Kate Chopin
Babe by Dick King-Smith
Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie
Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Pla
th
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Beowulf: A New Verse Translation by Seamus Heaney
The Bhagava Gita
The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1,200 Jews by Peter Duffy
Bitch in Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel
A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Brick Lane by Monica Ali
Bridgadoon by Alan Jay Lerner
Candide by V
oltaire
The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White
The Children’s Hour by Lillian Hellman
Christine by Stephen King
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse
The Collected Short Stories by Eudora Welty
The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty by Eudora Welty
A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare
Complete Novels by Dawn Powell
The Complete Poems by Anne Sexton
Complete Stories by Dorothy Parker
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas père
Cousin Bette by Honor’e de Balzac
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber – started and not finished
The Crucible by Arthur Miller
Cujo by Stephen King
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Hadd
on
Daisy Miller by Henry James
Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende
David and Lisa by Dr Theodore Issac Rubin M.D
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
The Da Vinci -Code by Dan Brown
Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol
Demons by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Deenie by Judy Blume
The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson
The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band by Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and Nikki Sixx
The Divine Comedy by Dante
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
Don Quijote by Cervantes
Driving Miss Daisy by Alfred Uhrv
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe
Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Wiesen Cook
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe
Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn
Eloise by Kay Thompson
Emily the Strange by Roger Reger
Emma by Jane Austen
Empire Falls by Richard Russo
Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol
Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
Ethics by Spinoza
Europe through the Back Door, 2003 by Rick Steves
Eva Luna by Isabel Allende
Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Extravagance by Gary Krist
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury – started and not finished
Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore
The Fall of the Athenian Empire by Donald Kagan
Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World by Greg Critser
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
The Fellowship of the Ring: Book 1 of The Lord of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien (TBR)
Fiddler on the Roof by Joseph Stein
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce
Fletch by Gregory McDonald
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Franny and Zooey by J. D. Salinger
Freaky Friday by Mary Rodgers
Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut
Gender Trouble by Judith Butler
George W. Bushism: The Slate Book of the Accidental Wit and Wisdom of our 43rd President by Jacob Weisberg
Gidget by Fredrick Kohner
Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen
The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels
The Godfather: Book 1 by Mario Puzo
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Alvin Granowsky
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford
The Gospel According to Judy Bloom
The Graduate by Charles Webb
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald – read
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Group by Mary McCarthy
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J. K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J. K. Rowling

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (TBR)
Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry (TBR)
Henry IV, part I by William Shakespeare
Henry IV, part II by William Shakespeare
Henry V by William Shakespeare
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
Holidays on Ice: Stories by David Sedaris
The Holy Barbarians by Lawrence Lipton
House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III (Lpr)
The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende
How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
How the Light Gets in by M. J. Hyland
Howl by Allen Gingsburg
The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
The Iliad by Homer
I’m with the Band by Pamela des Barres
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee
Iron Weed by William J. Kennedy
It Takes a Village by Hillary Clinton
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë – read
The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan
Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
The Jumping Frog by Mark Twain
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito
The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini 
Lady Chatterleys’ Lover by D. H. Lawrence
The Last Empire: Essays 1992-2000 by Gore Vidal
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield
Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis
Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens
The Little Locksmith by Katharine Butler Hathaway
The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Love Story by Erich Segal
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
The Manticore by Robertson Davies
Marathon Man by William Goldman
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir
Memoirs of General W. T. Sherman by William Tecumseh Sherman
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
The Meaning of Consuelo by Judith Ortiz Cofer
Mencken’s Chrestomathy by H. R. Mencken
The Merry Wives of Windsro by William Shakespeare
The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
The Miracle Worker by William Gibson
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
The Mojo Collection: The Ultimate Music Companion by Jim Irvin
Moliere: A Biography by Hobart Chatfield Taylor
A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman
Monsieur Proust by Celeste Albaret
A Month Of Sundays: Searching For The Spirit And My Sister by Julie Mars
A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall
My Lai 4: A Report on the Massacre and It’s Aftermath by Seymour M. Hersh
My Life as Author and Editor by H. R. Mencken
My Life in Orange: Growing Up with the Guru by Tim Guest
My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult
The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin
Nervous System: Or, Losing My Mind in Literature by Jan Lars Jensen
New Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson
The New Way Things Work by David Macaulay
Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich
Night by Elie Wiesel
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism by William E. Cain, Laurie A. Finke, Barbara E. Johnson, John P. McGowan
Novels 1930-1942: Dance Night/Come Back to Sorrento, Turn, Magic Wheel/Angels on Toast/A Time to be Born by Dawn Powell
Notes of a Dirty Old Man by Charles Bukowski
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Old School by Tobias Wolff
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life by Amy Tan
Oracle Night by Paul Auster
Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
Othello by Shakespeare
Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens
The Outbreak of the Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan
Out of Africa by Isac Dineson
The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
The Peace of Nicias and the Sicilian Expedition by Donald Kagan
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Peyton Place by Grace Metalious
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Pigs at the Trough by Arianna Huffington
Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi
Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain
The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick 
Hornby – read
The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker
The Portable Nietzche by Fredrich Nietzche
The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill by Ron Suskind
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Property by Valerie Martin
Pushkin: A Biography by T. J. Binyon
Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw
Quattrocento by James Mckean
A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall
Rapunzel by Grimm Brothers
The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe
The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham
Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
Rescuing Patty Hearst: Memories From a Decade Gone Mad by Virginia Holman
The Return of the King: The Lord of the Rings Book 3 by J. R. R. Tolkien (TBR)
R Is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton
Rita Hayworth by Stephen King
Robert’s Rules of Order by Henry Robert
Roman Fever by Edith Wharton
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf
A Room with a View by E. M. Forster
Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin
Sacred Time by Ursula Hegi
Sanctuary by William Faulkner
Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford
The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum
The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand
The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette by Judith Thurman
Selected Letters of Dawn Powell: 1913-1965 by Dawn Powell
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
A Separate Peace by John Knowles
Several Biographies of Winston Churchill
Sexus by Henry Miller
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Shane by Jack Shaefer
The Shining by Stephen King
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
S Is for Silence by Sue Grafton
Slaughter-house Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Small Island by Andrea Levy
Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway
Snow White and Rose Red by Grimm Brothers
Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy: Lord and Peasant in the Making of the Modern World by Barrington Moore
The Song of Names by Norman Lebrecht
Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos by Julia de Burgos
The Song Reader by Lisa Tucker
Songbook by Nick Hornby
The Sonnets by William Shakespeare
Sonnets from the Portuegese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach
The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
A Streetcar Named Desiree by Tennessee Williams
Stuart Little by E. B. White
Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust
Swimming with Giants: My Encounters with Whales, Dolphins and Seals by Anne Collett
Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Term of Endearment by Larry McMurtry
Time and Again by Jack Finney
The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Tragedy of Richard III by William Shakespeare
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
The Trial by Franz Kafka
The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson
Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
Ulysses by James Joyce
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 1950-1962 by Sylvia Plath
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Unless by Carol Shields
Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
The Vanishing Newspaper by Philip Meyers
Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
Velvet Underground’s The Velvet Underground and Nico (Thirty Three and a Third series) by Joe Harvard
The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett
Walden by Henry David Thoreau
Walt Disney’s Bambi by Felix Salten
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
We Owe You Nothing – Punk Planet: The Collected Interviews edited by Daniel Sinker
What Colour is Your Parachute? 2005 by Richard Nelson Bolles
What Happened to Baby Jane by Henry Farrell
When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka
Who Moved My Cheese? Spencer Johnson
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire
The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

Friday 17 January 2014

The under-rated Romance

Romance, the word and every action and thought that leads to the word makes me smile. Romance. Its such a sweet word. It is such a simple emotion. I wonder why many people are so scared of romance or act like its such a huge burden. Why is romance associated with something that has to be bought. Romantic gesture- meaning buy chocolates, buy flowers, buy diamonds.. buy.. no wonder men are so scared. lol. Romance to me is associated with love. Not just the full fledged lets jump off the cliff together love, its those stirrings of love. Those little butterflies. You know he likes you, you know he wants to spend more time with you. I believe the best feeling is when you are in a group and you are chit chatting having fun and by chance you look in his direction and he is looking at you with a smile on his face. Your heart skips a beat. Lub dub. Even better when your friends notice that he looks at you when you are not looking. Boy that is fantastic. I miss that.
By the way I am not the type who says flowers and diamonds are not romance. I am no fool, girl. The problem with guys and girls is simple. Girls want the thought and guys want to be told. You tell them and they will do it, but we feel that whats the point. If I have to ask for it, that means he doesn't think I am worth it. We want him to think. Its simple if he sees something for a dollar in a flee market and picks it up because he thought it will look pretty on you. It might be ugly but we will cherish it with a little more value than that diamond you had to ask him. What will make him get lucky is that to us the moral of the story was that he thought of me even when I was not around. The thought. See so simple. I would be happy with one red rose than fifty. Once this guy sent me this huge bouquet of flowers, different flowers, the arrangement was an organised mess. Supposedly it reminded me of him. :) Holding hands is romantic, kissing on the forehead is romantic. Just a passing touch, brush of the arm, putting a bothersome lock of my hair behind my ear, these little little sub-conscious gestures are romantic. After a couple of years of marriage, just taking a moment to look into her eyes and saying I love you is romantic. :)
I wonder why and when did romance become so complicated. Or people just got so settled in their banal life and got busy for romance. Watching romances or reading romances are considered uncool. Romance is an expression of love and is there a better feeling in the world than being loved. 

Counting sheep , no more.

I want to write a blog post a day. I have time now, taking a break from writing a business report but my mind has gone blank.. kaput.. totally. A very rare phenomenon, trust me. Totally Wow. But at night when I am trying to sleep ...
I am so sleepy. If I sleep now I will have 8 hours of sleep. Fantastic. Black looks fantastic on me. I think its actually true that it makes you look thin. Remember that pin, god that woman lost 50 pounds in 6 months, cant I do 20? Jillain Micheals thirthy day shred. Consistency is the key. I think if I read the same book to Mia over and over then she might recognise the words and read , but no that would be by hearting not actually understanding. I have never understood how people pose with a snake around their neck. God I should sleep, if I sleep now I will get 6.5 hrs of sleep. Oh I should wear that pink blouse tomorrow. What if I had bought that red one instead. What is happening in the world today, why are there so many crimes against women. I think public stoning and castration of onw monster will create fear enough to stop other monsters. Oh my god why did the door close all by itself. I need to pee. If I sleep now I will get 5 hours of sleep. I need 5 hours of sleep. In the Da Vinci code they stayed awake fro 24 hrs. Oh I love Mr Darcy. I should blog about him.

 

Congratulations!!! I am not attracted to you, you must be a really nice guy.

I, my friends, am THE "douche-bag magnet" THE litmus test for weather a guy is a "good guy" or "a good for nothing loser who will initially seem nice but will eventually turn out to be an insecure self centered bigot". The machine that can separate the G and the NG.
I am considering starting a business venture where I can definitely tell a girl if the guy she is interested in is a sweetie or a swine. I am thinking I can truly get rich, billionaire rich. Yes I wont have this dream boat of a man in my life but honestly girls do I truly want to have another can of worms burst all over me again?
I read this on a pin "It takes a hell of a man to replace no man" and any gal who has come out of a terrible relationship, finally feeling the freedom can vouch for it. Before anyone says "come on there are good men out there" Off course there are , those are the ones I am not attracted to. :D And what is the point being a great guy if you are just not attracted to him.
Life is so good as it is now. My little family of two. There is a chance that it could become great from good but, if my magnetic powers are to be believed, it could get bad really really bad. Hence the blissful state of "oy with the poodles already" 

Thursday 16 January 2014

My body in flash-back was awesome..

 I am 5 foot 6 and weight 170 pounds. There I said it. Well also I am anonymous hence easier to "say it" :D Now I am FAT. But this feeling that I am fat is not new. Its funny and sad that I thought I was FAT when I saw 18 yrs and 52kgs. I thought I was FAT when when I was 23 and 62 kgs.  I thought I was FAT when I was 25 and 58kgs. Its not funny it is plain stupid. Was I blind or did I never see my pictures! I wonder. Today when I look at my pictures when I was 67kgs with a one year old baby.. I freaking look good, actually I do look the yummy mummy that my friends told me I was. At that time I thought they were being polite. Why did I dislike my body so much? What did my poor body do to me? I know the answer it was pressure or it was comments. My friends were skinny .. not to be mean but yes they were sticks, I had boobs and butts like an 18 yr old girl should have. They called me FAT.. to make themselves feel better. But I bought into it. The truth was I saw skinny and they were sticks.  I had a bloody purrrfect body.
Why do we women find it so hard to love out body? The body honestly does not have any say in how it looks. Its the two Ms - Mind and Mouth, that makes our body what it is. My mind tells me I am fat and my mind gets sad and then my mind tells my mouth lets eat and offcourse the mouth eats and eats and eats till the body becomes like the drum, I am treating it like. A huge rounded drum.
Today I apologize to my body for being so disrespectful and not loving it when it when it has done nothing not to deserve it. And my mind is saying kudos.. now lets go eat! Freak show man.. freak show. 

Shhhh!!!

I have a big problem...I think I talk too much. And the worse of it is that I regret the conversation after it is over and I am away from the person I was talking to. Its like I have some sort of verbal diarrhea. Sometimes the conversation is innocent and fun and people around are laughing and I can bet my over weight ass that they wont even be thinking about the conversation. But I think, and re think. I second guess myself. I re visit the whole conversation, sometimes thinking where should I have stopped and sometimes thinking how better could I have said it. I do know I am funny , I can make people laugh but I also know and regret that I cant "give back". I cant come up with witty rejoinders or sarcasm when people give me crap. But after sometime I go like.. I should have said this and I should have said that.
This whole problem of me thinking I talk too much and regretting every little thing I say has unfortunately made me hate myself. I do love my life and love my kid.. well she is one of the big reasons why I love my life. But somewhere in here.. I can feel this dislike for myself growing into an abhorring, I am afraid. I also know the root cause is not this spewing of words but the fact that I dislike myself for letting another human being treat me badly in my past. Well I guess this is what a therapist would tell me. Hence I feel this blog is a good for me.. I can throw up as many words as I want. I dont have to tell my boss " lets not have a meeting tomorrow because I dont know how much of the report will be completed by tomorrow" He says "ok" Then again the genius who cant stop talking says" But then if you have any input on the legislature part of the report, lets meet" Redundant... the whole damn conversation totally redundant. I wonder if there are many people out there who re think everything they say? 

Trust her...

The big "Daddy Question".. this is one thing that plagues almost every single mom at some point. Honestly if you are one of those moms who has a cool answer to the question, kudos to you. I dont. I did not start of being a single mother by choice.. a lousy spouse made that choice for me. Now I can happily and proudly say I am a single mom but it took time to get there. Mia, my sweet little girl, and I moved away from her father when she was two years old. Initially, a couple of times, she would ask if he was in office. Then there were no questions until she started pre school. Luckily we met a few single moms and coincidently all of them had girls. Sometimes I wonder if its a coincidence or if in my country and culture its easier for a man to leave his wife and daughter but not his son. Well.. thats a subject again for another day. I feel like every post I write I leave an opening for another post. ;) Back tot he daddy question.. everytime she talks about Daddy I get scared. Not that she asks me about him, she knows he lives in another country. I dont want to tell her that he is a douche bag. Yes it is a fact but thats not fair to her. And I do not want to paint a pretty picture lest she imagines and expects anything from him. He hasnt paid child support or bothered to contact her ever since we left. But that was not my fear.
She is a super friendly kid. She talks to everyone and enjoys the novelty factor of new people. What if the first time she meets him, which will eventually happen in court, she goes off to him. Yes he is a horrible man who has almost killed her.. no exagerration there. Also the only reason he would want her, is so that he doesnt have to pay me child support and he will eventually just dump her on his mother who has the weird beleif that "girls are ok, but boys are amazing". But Mia doesnt know all this, she is too young for me to tell her the Stephen King graphic horror story that her sperm-family is. Hence the fear - of  not just losing her away from me, but also the bright wonderful kid that she is getting lost in this bucket load of crap.
But it hit me recently.. trust her... she is a smart kid. She loves me. She might not be able to see others for what they are yet but she definitely sees me for the love I have for her. It is an insult to her, if I am afraid. And offcourse no sane judge will give the child to that father. So here is what I say to her now when she asks about her daddy " Yes he is in so and so place, working. We do not live with him anymore because daddy stopped loving mommy and started making some careless decisions which were not safe for Mia and Mamma".  It is a diluted version of the reality and also less confusing for her than my previous " Mia is a special child whose Mommy is both mommy and daddy".  And our charming life moves on..

Monday 13 January 2014

Blog Take 4..

Yes, this is my fourth attempt at blogging. The first made me famous. Oh not the celebrity kind but the kind where I had to write disclaimers to each post. People tend to want to search for references in the ramblings of people they know.. ending up taking credit or offence when there is none due. In retrospective an interesting but long story which deserves a post of its own. Hence the smart move of anonymity this time. Second and third blogs were dedicated to weight loss and being a person who is not too dedicated to losing weight, those blogs just stayed empty like the box of chocolates I just ate. Now this blog, with no theme... where I can ramble on about anything and everything and just be who I am... where do not have to tread carefully wondering who might assume what.
But by God its such an effort to just create a blog! which template do I chose.. which background do I select and then do not get me started on the colours! After hours ( which could have been wisely spent on re-watching a couple of Gilmore girls episodes) of trials and going back and forth between the blue flowers and the pink stripes.. I settled for the yellow lemons and green leaves. How banal of me. The herculean effort of creating a blog behind me, here I am finally writing my first post. May I be funny and may I vent. May my writing improve and yes may my fingers be too busy typing to take food and put it in my mouth. ;)